You Don't Have to Choose
by blue252
Summary: "'You're happy.' It's a statement. Not even the slightest hint of a question. She doesn't try to disguise it. Knows it's written across her face. 'Yeah, yeah I am,' she admits, looking down, a faint blush spreading across her cheeks." Post-ep for 5x06.


**You Don't Have to Choose**

She lifts the top off of the box she's pulled out from the storage closet at her dad's apartment, smiling to herself as she tucks the neatly folded costume back into place. Before this case she hadn't thought of the show, the conventions, those particular memories in ages. They were long hidden away here, lost over time.

Sure, she'd occasionally run across a Nebula 9 rerun on TV but it had been years since she pulled out her DVDs and immersed herself in the show like she used to. Investigating at the convention the past few days - surrounded by all of the other fans, the costumes, the energy – it had all come rushing back.

She had found herself in awe at times, caught up in the excitement of seeing these characters she'd so admired. Her eighteen-year-old self might have been disappointed by what she'd seen this week - by the reality of who these actors were. But present day Kate was capable of looking past all of that; could still see what it meant to her about being strong and believing in her dreams.

There's a teasing lilt to her father's voice as he speaks to Castle in the living room. She can hear Castle's nervous laughter as it floats down and along the hallway toward her and she grins, both wondering and not wanting to know what they're talking about. She shakes her head at how surreal this all still feels to her.

Her father had been surprised when she had shown up a few days earlier to retrieve her costumes. Much like Castle's experience with his own daughter, it wasn't really something she and her dad had ever discussed. They'd always had a sort of don't ask don't tell kind of policy about this sort of thing to avoid any awkwardness back in her Stanford days. And it'd definitely helped that she was across the country at the time. So she'd chosen to pretend she didn't notice his smirk when she strolled out the door with the box in hand, praying that he wouldn't comment.

She doesn't think he'd go there with Castle but then again, her father did always enjoy playing the role of intimidating father to her boyfriends when she was younger.

And that's when the surrealism of the situation hits her again. Castle is her boyfriend. Her boyfriend that trails along when she needs to stop by her dad's place because it's completely natural to do that now.

His words play back in her mind, "My dreams do come true." Sometimes she's overwhelmed with the enormity of just how accurate that is for both of them. He's never made his feelings for her a secret but he's every bit as much a part of her dreams too. The dream of finding someone to really dive into things with. A partner, a best friend, the kind of love she saw in her parents eyes growing up. And she didn't even truly know how much she longed for that until he came into her life.

She reflects on the past week. The way he teased her about being a mega-fan but never in a way that diminished its importance to her. The way his eyes lit up when she'd explained her love for the show and what it meant to her. He was genuinely interested and even though she'd asked him not to make fun, she already knew he wouldn't.

She's struck with the realization of just how well they fit together. Of how much joy he has brought back into her life. She can't even recall the last man she dated with whom she'd have shared this side of herself. She'd have died of embarrassment had Will or Josh ever learned these things about her past. And even if they had known, they'd have never understood. It was weird enough with Will making fun of her love for Castle's novels.

But Castle draws these emotions, this happiness out of her without even trying sometimes. It bubbles up inside her and exits in laughter, in smiles she no longer has to suppress. She _wants _to share these pieces of her past with him. Because when she does, it's almost as though she's rediscovering parts of herself that she believed had died along with her mother on that cold January day.

She remembers moving back to New York and packing away the life she'd been on the path to living. And some part of her thought that when she'd boxed up all of her things years ago, that the dreams she'd always had and the person she was had been tucked away for good. That she had to trade in that life for a new one, replacing the carefree person she'd always been with the tough detective. She'd lost the belief that you didn't have to choose between the two.

Yet, somehow she's made it to this place. A place where she can have both. Where she can fight for justice and for the victims but still truly live her own life again. Working _and _playing.

She has to laugh at the irony of it all. Who'd have ever imagined she'd be getting all sentimental while sitting in the floor of the guest room, overhearing Castle and her dad debate Star Wars characters?

But it works for her. It works the Kate she thought she'd lost. _They _work. She knows she's realized this before, in the way they build off of each other on a case. They've always clicked as a team but to see it magnified, to see it in their relationship – the beauty of it stuns her.

She loves him.

It's not the first time she's thought it. Certainly not the first time she's felt it. But she lets the realization seep into her and she smiles to herself, knowing it's only a matter of time before she says the words out loud.

She's so lost in the moment that she doesn't notice Jim walk into the room.

"You're happy." It's a statement. Not even the slightest hint of a question and she startles at the interruption from her thoughts.

She doesn't even try to disguise it. Knows it's written across her face. "Yeah, yeah I am," she admits, looking down, a faint blush spreading across her cheeks.

He nods, smiling at her, and extends his hand to pull her up from the floor.

"He loves you too, Katie. You should tell him soon."

She gapes at him, eyes wide. They aren't usually quite this open, discussing feelings with each other. But then again, she often forgets how perceptive her dad can be.

"You know, just in case you give the poor man a heart attack with any of those costumes," he adds, winking at her as he turns and walks down the hall.

She barks out a nervous laugh as he retreats from sight. Maybe Castle was right, there are definitely some things a father should _never_ see.

* * *

_**AN:** Thank you to ER who yelled (lovingly) at me all afternoon that I should post this. And thank you Nic for looking over it for me and listening to me whine! :) _

_I don't feel like this is as much like my usual stuff so I'd love if you left me a note and let me know what you think of it! -Hol_


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